I felt so much despair

In pain, crushed by confusion

I was under the weather, underwater

Looking for something to grasp

But everything so slippery

I couldn’t make fists with my hands no more

Lack of convictions in my wanting to believe

Hard, so hard to lean forward when falling back

Constantly falling back

No drugs will overcome that:

False emancipation, desire for grand gestures

In vain,

One too many bring death on core beliefs

Instincts broken in need of painkillers;

And then grooming the idea for it to change

In a state where stagnation and motion were denied.

How about love from others, from myself?

In that I trust(ed)

But even that was gone, nothing else mattered.

Unbearable sensation,

Flatness of platitude,

Being aloof and left alone.

I just hope it won’t happen again.

*Alternative ending:

And there you were.